A Weekend of Silence That Reordered My Soul

This past weekend, I went on a silent retreat.

In that silence, I was able to put things in order and realign myself.

I remembered deeply my process of reconversion.

I used to be someone deaf to God, shouting, wanting to find Him.

At that time, there was still a void in my soul.

I tried to fill that void with everything:

Games.
Drinking.
Lust.
Attachment to worldly things.
Attachment to things that are finite.

Paraphrasing Saint Augustine:

“Late have I loved You, O Beauty ever ancient, ever new. You were within me, but I was outside.”

By the grace of God, I have a sister who knew how to be an instrument.

She brought me closer to the Father.

Someone who insisted and insisted that I go to Sunday Mass.

And when I got into the car, she would sing:

“How good that you came, it was Jesus who called you.”

If I didn’t have a sister like that, it’s very possible I would still be lost in the world.

Searching in finite things for what only the Eternal Father can give:

The completeness of the soul.

The way, the truth, and the life.

1. A Turning Point

One reading that deeply marked my journey was Preparation for Death by Saint Alphonsus Liguori.

The first Doctor of the Church I truly encountered.

Eschatology has always attracted me.

It awakens something in me.

And a question stayed with me:

If you were to die tomorrow… would you be closer to Heaven or to Hell?

You are dust, and to dust you shall return.

2. A Change of Direction

One realization — a true metanoia — changed something inside me:

Heaven and earth will pass away, but the truth will not pass.

What is the point of chasing the things of this world…

If our life should be a preparation for death?

A life where the compass of the soul points toward Heaven.

After that, I began to seek the things above.

And God has been very generous with me.

Even though I am a weak and often unfaithful servant…

I try to give back, in my own small way, a little of what He has given me.

3. Purpose and Responsibility

God placed in me a purpose to lead.

In everything I do lately, I try not to disappoint Him.

And I remember that when I was younger, I just wanted to stay in my corner and not bother anyone.

But God’s plans are greater than ours.

Today, I work at the company I always dreamed of.

And I remember the words of Saint Josemaría Escrivá:

“Do what you ought, and be where you are doing it.”

I know I am not the best software engineer.

Nor the best Catholic.

But I will not give up on persevering.

Whatever adversity comes…

With God, I will remain until the end.

4. Mercy and Surrender

From every evil, a greater good can emerge.

As the Gospel teaches.

I have made many mistakes.

With my ex.
With my parents.
With my friends.
And especially with God.

Even so, I found a way out:

To surrender everything to God.

Today, my will is the will of the Father.

He knows better than I do what is best for me.

5. Everything Has an End — Except God

This retreat reminded me of something simple:

We have an expiration date on this earth.

And the earth itself has an expiration date.

Everything has an end.

Except God.

“I am the Alpha and the Omega… who is, and who was, and who is to come.” — Revelation 1-8

6. A Message for You

The message I want to leave is simple:

There is always room to become better.

If you are at the bottom…

Only God can lift you from there.

I have been there.

Alone.

And God brought me out.

No one and nothing else can truly do that for you.

It is about trusting God.

And surrendering everything to Him.

Even if you are not Catholic…

Even if you do not believe in God…

Or think all of this is nonsense…

Your body will decay.

And something within you will continue — or not.

That something is called the soul.

Lift Your Heart

Let me paraphrase Saint Josemaría Escrivá once more:

“Let your life not be sterile. Be useful. Leave a mark. Shine with the light of your faith and your love.”

Our journey must be oriented toward what is above.

As long as our hearts are attached to the things of this world…

We cannot experience the fullness of eternal life.

Sursum corda.

Lift up your hearts.

Gratitude

Thank you, my God, for everything You have given me so far.

Especially for my sister…

Who was the instrument that brought me out of darkness and back into the light.

I dedicate this text to you, my sister.

My life would be empty without you.

Both in this world and in my soul.

From your brother — who may disappear sometimes, but always prays for you.

Who loves you deeply.

And thanks God for your beautiful family.

I wish you Heaven.

Thiago Colman
Full Stack Developer
https://thiagocolman.com